I just wanted to make a short and sweet note for you on this special day. Its been almost a year without your physical presence, and some days I race to the phone to call you and then suddenly hit the face of reality that I no longer have that privilege. I quickly remember how we now communicate, through energy and feelings, symbols and animals, dreams and visions. I always have you mommy. For you, I haven’t truly lost.
I hold on to our memories like the most fragile of possessions. I hear the angelic tone of your laughter, and see the radiance in your smile. I hope you see how much everyone loves. you. You are the funniest, most kind and silly woman. I strongly believe you mess with us sometimes.
I know you see all those grand babies you have now! Nana butt is the sweetest pea, Levi is the most handsome newborn and Justin is such an amazing daddy. Kayden is soon to be a big brother to mom, Tio is such a great daddy. Both your boys won that kid game! I think Aja and I will be waiting for a while, so hold your horses!
Life check in: right now the world is in a state of disaster. COVID-19 has obliterated the system and shut us down for a while. My unit at work is training us to be PCU nurses, (super excited for the opportunity ad advancing my nursing career and skill set). I will be replanning my solo trip (I will still definitely be taking trips after this is back to normal). I start my online BSN program and hope to do travel nursing next year, or teaching (both really). I am in a townhouse, loving my space and privacy. I am doing okay. My favorite show right now is scandal, I’ve got some Chinese food coming my way, I’m healthy, and I’m present. I am having a good day today, for you. I made a very emotionally raw youtube video/vlog this morning, and I’m happy that I allowed myself the time to process that before writing you today. Because writing this to you now, is making me happy. I feel you close to me.
Being present in the moment, I am writing a letter to you Mom. This brilliant idea is a last resort effort of what I truly wanted to do to celebrate your life. I will follow through with my original plans for you as soon as allowed. I also love the idea of writing to you, and will be doing this for every year to come. Along with the first traditions of how to celebrate you which will be executed when allotted: I got you a present! I know you’ve seen me wearing it I’m sure. Just a reminder that you always made my life sparkle and shine, and continue to as well.
I will always strive to become the woman I believe I am. A lot of what I want to be came from you. Thank you for being so strong. I love you.
Happy birthday Mommy.