As the quarantine continues I am increasingly becoming a distant version of myself I tried so hard to get away from.
Grief has been heavy the last week, and it’s becoming more apparent and affective in my daily life. I’m doubting myself, I’m questioning some of the moves I make-struggling to maintain my balance in this mess. My anxiety is in the way. Negative intrusive thoughts have snuck in where my confidence was previously produced.
But with great struggle, comes an even stronger fight. I knew March, April and May would be the hardest months to get through emotionally, having multiple “first” hallmark celebrations without my mom: (my birthday, her birthday & her death anniversary), and settle into my new place-adjusting to living alone. Little did I imagine I’d be forced in a quarantine dealing with it all by myself. Walking into work to watch the deterioration of this pandemic is absolutely devastating. It’s not easy to keep above water, but being able to accomplish such a thing-well, that’s extraordinary.
The ability to recognize emotions and rationales is a remarkable experience. I never imagined myself obtaining such a level of happiness in herself, and to be here-to wake up every day, well is just a beautiful thing. To trust your heart and your goals and spirit, to choose YOU is an accomplishment itself.
The difference between the old Bree I’m referencing in this introduction and the one writing this blog today is: today I know my worth. Today I know my grief, anxiety and insecurities are there to keep me protected from my greatest fears. I can acknowledge them and move them to the side. I have healthy coping skills. I am strong.
I made a life I DREAMED of. I believe in myself this time.
Maintain your spiritual journey. Follow the energy that feels right. I follow the sun! Always! Practice strict self care regimens every single day. Take deep breaths. Pause before responding. Listen to hear, not to react. Practice gratitude every single day. Practice humility. Counteract negative thoughts with positive attitudes, reassuring people talks, and paying it forward! Push your carts back and throw away your gloves/cleaning wipes. Be honest and true to those you hold meaning in your life.
Be good in the world, look at what it has come too.