mornings with me

I wanted to do something today against my norm. I often use my blog as my platform of reflection, and updates on my spiritual journey. I typically pour my strongest emotion into my pieces, because I am quite a passionate person. I take an immense amount of pride with my work because, I am proud of it. As you read this blog, you may find that my writers voice sounds different, more narrative. It may be a little more lax, more…real life Bree you could say. Trying a different approach today, different topic-different writers voice.

I am well prepared, with my iced caramel coffee close by. I have the sunshine at my left, and a warm blanket in my lap. I can hear the chirps of pretty birds I am unable to lay eyes on. I sit here with my delicate hands ready to share my intuitive thoughts this morning. I am still changing in and out of my, what I now call, quarantine uniform-consisting of a homemade bleached sweat outfit. My hair is wavy, because I can’t stop curling it or piling on more dry shampoo because I just am not ready to blow-dry it again, and I’m currently out of conditioner. Please don’t get me started on my nails. I walk around dragging my fluffy slippers and sometimes walk around so lazy I fail to lift my feet completely off the ground and just shuffle around the house. Quarantine vibes are real.

Staying alone was a huge fear of mine when I moved out in February. I knew I didn’t want a roommate because I needed to make a space my own, but I also realized it was going to be a challenge to learn to live by myself. I was ready for the challenge. At first, before COVID-19, I was great! I traveled, had friends over sometimes and was fine! Then when lockdown started, I was genuinely upset about missing all the events I had planned and it got difficult being alone. Coincidentally, I am learning to become my best friend, I am learning how to have fun by myself. This is all apart of the journey. This is preparing me for my future solo travel goals. I am embracing this time, learning how to occupy my time in ways it is best beneficial to myself, that in itself is beautiful.

I’ve always been a creature of structure, although not so much routine. I like having new and exciting adventures every day, keeping things out of order. Calm chaos we could call it. I believe routines work for those they work for, and don’t for the other guys. I don’t set an alarm every day, because I work midnight shift. I don’t meal prep on the same days because my schedule changes. I find that boredom turns me stir crazy. I like to work on projects, and decorating and teaching myself that I can do so many things on my own that I didn’t realize! I built a coffee table last night all by myself! Still shook about it.

My favorite quarantine activities have included solo dance parties in my bedroom, Tik Tok creations, painting the office, cleaning, cleaning again, day drinking, singing and dancing more, FaceTiming and eating all my snacks.

My morning will now carry on, for I have homework to work on (BSN in nursing) and meal prep to accomplish and groceries to put away soon, yes I have conditioner coming.

I think narrative writing is great, however this is definitely less of a powerful entry. I’m not sure why I feel slightly disappointed, but I suppose I simply enjoy talking about things that make my soul ignite. Things that make me believe again. The topics that make my heart remember what its supposed to feel like.

Imagine with me: The feeling of electricity through your thoughts when your writing is immaculate. The fluttering of your heart when you know your writing has your emotions into each typed word. The butterflies before you publish, the last minute “what if…” doubts. The weight that comes off my shoulders after a beautifully written entry is a feeling of such relief.

That is what I strive for, that is more my style.

Until the next burst of creativity and inspiration comes,

Much love

xox

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Bree

just a girl who lives on sarcasm, compassion and emotions. trying to make my way into the life I've always dreamed of.

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