hey ma, it’s me again
as the second Christmas without you begins i can only hope you’re celebrating up there. i hope you can see all your grandbabies, i know they made you the happiest in the world down here on earth. MOM!!! you now have 4 total! those kids poppin em out like it’s easy 😂 and who knows, there may be more, i’m not sure. i also hope you’re able to spend your Christmas with all our family up there. tel jojo, carebear and grandma that we all miss them so so much. i’m glad they have you to laugh with.
i am sure you noticed how quiet i’ve been in the last two months. i haven’t felt much like myself. this season has been really difficult but i think i’m starting to come back around. i made sure to send those holiday cards to strangers, the tradition i started last year for you. it was hard to do this year but i did it. when i am writing, i can tell you’re with me. i know you’re proud that i started it, and i promise i won’t stop.
i also wanted to mention that i change jobs soon. i can’t count the times i’ve grabbed my phone to call and tell you this. i’m really nervous but i know i have the resources i need to succeed, i just have to follow through and prove to myself that i can do it. i can feel your support as a calm energy around me, and i’m somehow not so scared to transition into this critical care journey.
and you’ve definitely been around to notice this man mom, i swear you’d be in awe over him. that’s what makes me the most sad, you two won’t ever be able to meet. i know you’re proud that i finally have someone that encourages and supports me in all my forms. someone that actually appreciates me and treats me like an actual queen. ma, i could have never dreamed to have someone as incredible as him, and every day i have another reason why i’m actually the happiest and luckiest woman in the world. life without you is really really tough, but momma-he keeps me strong and safe and i know you appreciate that. i know you can see us from above, so keep us and our families safe from up there and we’ll handle the stuff down here.
i miss you always