this will be a pretty intimate post. i’m writing to my big self, the 27 year old me in the real world. i am you, little b, you call me. i don’t know how old i am, probably 4 or 5, but i wanted to write back to a letter you wrote last week. so here i am.
i have been watching you more the last few weeks than i have ever before, you saw me didn’t you? i know you did, because you talked to me for the first time. i finally got to really meet you.
i held your hand for a few days as you know, just watching you. i could hear your genuine words and affirmations and i thank you for that. i was nervous at first, but soon could feel the strength you carried. i could feel the yearn for me, the love you wished to share together. i felt the hugs, even though i haven’t begun returning them. finally after the few days i was quietly standing aside you, i could believe you when you said you were there for me.
i remember you asked me to trust you, to let you be the one i hold on too. and honestly i think i can. i think i can make you the home i’ve been searching for.
i am sorry for not trusting you but you’ve gotta understand why. you chose others before me for so many years, you had to find someone to put me first because you never did. and after so many trials and errors you finally realized it’s you i need. you need to put me first and i to you. i finally realized it too. also the reason everyone always left was because it needed to be you all along. it took you so long to realize that and it’s okay. i’m not upset with you.
i want you to promise to stay creative, passionate and active in your dreams. i want you to help me finish mine too. i want you to laugh and cry with me, to sit in silence with me. i want to know your strengths and attributes that make you so very special to those who love you. i want you to learn that stuff about me. i want to learn everything about you.
did you know i can whisper now? before i never had a voice, not one you could hear for that matter. but you do now, you listen and you can hear me. thank you.
you’re really incredible you know. the way you gather your thoughts and so beautifully express them into words and sentences with your story, which, is extraordinary. after all the bad things that happened to you, you’re still so remarkable and kind and compassionate. one day i’ll learn how you managed that. so many people turn so evil when it itself approaches them, you got more and more kind. most importantly you never gave up on the true value of this life we share. even with a late start, we have a lifetime of memories to make together. we have so much to go and have already come so far.
so with that, a letter to me. from the little one inside who is now under your wing, trusting and ready for the adventure of us
thanks big b