i met her just a few weeks ago, when i peeked around the door i’ve been hiding from her entire life. she surely didn’t or couldn’t have expected me, i’ve been invisible. but this day, i saw her look at me, confused as to why i was trembling in my stance. she didn’t know how long i’ve been waiting for her, how long i begged for her, nor did she know exactly who i was. she didn’t realize my feet ache from the years of standing up alone, carrying the weight from years of unresolved trauma. she didn’t realize my head throbbed with aches of desensitizing memories. she didn’t realize what’s yet to come. not yet at least.
when she looked at me my eyes filled with tears. i’ve cried a lot before, that wasn’t the surprising or the unusual part, it was her looking back. it was her seeing me, acknowledging me, noticing me for the first time. time was frozen in that moment.
bree leaned against the concrete in a campground in chesapeake, Va with the sun beaming against her skin. A moment ago she was restless, unable to contain her discomfort from within. she had been camping for a few weeks now and still hadn’t understood how to manage being truly bored. she was the type to never sit down, or always sit down. objects in motion stay on motion, objects at rest stay at rest. newton’s law, we all know that. even with a bicycle, two pools, countless books and a degree to finish, she found time to be antsy. it was who she was. it is who she is.
i’ve gotta do something, i’ve gotta go, bree thought. her heart yearned the spontaneity of her new found lifestyle and she wanted to utilize every moment. she had no plans, but mere intentions to maintain her bold and courageous personality. she pondered for only a moment until she knew exactly what she needed to do.
the next morning she was a passenger strapped to a jumper and was moments from the one of the highest ranked life experience she’ll have. she flew with the angels and never felt air so…pure. she went skydiving. she grounded to the frank lack there of and enjoyed the feeling of what flying would feel like. between and above the clouds, with the greatest view of the city, she was amazed as she glided through the atmosphere. she flared aside the light clouds and heard angels singing in her head. she was mesmerized by the view, the space around her and the breeze to which carried through her back to the ground.
i stood behind the door for a week even after her seeing me that first day. just because she can see me doesn’t mean she loves me. it doesn’t mean she’ll stay. to be held accountable is a big job, to maintain integrity and service to yourself and others is work. one day i grabbed her hand. she was unsure my intention, but softly embraced my hand within hers. we’d stand together for four days before she asked me what i needed.
she knew though, i needed her