hey bubby…

I am so sorry you thought this world was one better without you. I’m sorry the world turned into something that you thought you couldn’t or shouldn’t be apart of. I’m sorry you felt so alone in a world in which you enlightened the lives of everyone you were around. Im sorry if you couldn’t feel the warmth in the sunshine, the breeze on a beach, or the vibrant world we live in as it was. I’m sorry if you were feeling like the only one you had to talk to was mom. Im sorry you felt like you had to go. I’m sorry you were left in this hard world without her for some time. I’m oh so damn sorry, that you’re gone.

I can only hope that she found you right away-Mom-that is. You told me how you felt her push you out of the half-life you were momentarily in, shoving you back into this physical world only a year ago. I wish you would have told me more since then. I wish you had me to have leaned on. I wish I could hear about how dark the days were, how gray the world became, and how you felt like leaving was the only option. I would have loved to had heard anything from you. Now, I can only wish for the things that could have maybe kept you here. Selfish, I know. But, I can wish for more.

I can wish you found peace, hope and laughter. I can wish you feel well again. I wish you can smile, laugh and hug those you’ve missed for quite some time. I wish you safety and security and joy. I hope you found a calm, safe place to nest. I hope you feel relieved, I hope you feel happiness. I hope you feel safe there. I hope you are pain free, and playing football again. I hope you’re meeting you idols, the ones that are in Heaven with you. I hope you feel warm again.

Justin, feel the beautiful delicacy between your fingers as you brush them between a rose petal, or the beauty that radiates around you and your kids-FEEL THAT! Feel the warmth around your skin as you transition into an angel. Grab the nearest longboard and go find all the ones we’ve missed! Go get em kid, go get em!

I hope you feel safe and supported there, I hope you have your spark back. I hope you can feel the passion behind hope again, that the skies are bluer and the clouds are gone. that the sun is brighter, that your storm subsided. I pray for you. I hope for you, I love for you.

I hope your dimple smile is gazing through the beautiful Heaven, shining down on us all. I hope you are learning how to be an angel, after all, you have quite the team of helpers up there. I hope you’re with Jojo, Mom, Carebear and Grandma. I hope you’re hugging them, and I hope their hugging you. I hope you found it is okay to be vulnerable up there, that safety surrounds you.

As you know, i love you very much. That will never change.

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just a girl who lives on sarcasm, compassion and emotions. trying to make my way into the life I've always dreamed of. Writing through travels in van life and travel nursing from coast to coast. Mental wellness advocator, creative writer, nomad and travel nurse here. :)

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