I’ve been really busy becoming this version of myself I never knew could exist, and for that I am incredibly thankful. One of my first blog posts was about my journey with mental health, and although it was always my end goal-I’ve always wondered what it felt like to wake up without suffocation of terror, anxiety and impending doom. I wanted to know what a deep breath felt like without hours of hyperventilation, screaming tears, kicking legs and insecurities.
Now I know. Its grounding your feet onto the ground. Feeling the ground under your feat, centering you balance, focusing your mind on what you smell, see, feel. Its being able to identify your upsets, and accepting your feelings rather than fighting them. It’s being in the moment. Its allowing the feeling, and then releasing.
It’s waking up to chirping birds, the sweet rays of sunshine beaming through the cracks in the blinds and the sleepy groggy morning stretches, all with my thoughts of gratitude and small talks to mommy.
She still isn’t here enough. I want her back. Today I feel obsessed with her absence and I’m not okay with it.
Regardless of how her presence, (or lack of) is obliged during my days, she has been with me a lot lately. I know this is true, for not all life events in my life are circumstance.
Her passing taught me to fight for myself, she’s trying to show me I can do anything in the world. She shows up when I learn new hobbies, put something together, cook amazing food, workout, and during the times I need her the most. She shows up when I realize my potential, my compassion, my best traits and my worth. She’s here with me, still fighting for me, by my side every day. I find such comfort knowing she understands me from a different point of view now, for she knows how to be exponentially helpful in guiding my spirits.
I’ve been learning how to be pretty handy lately! I put together lots of stuff this month! Feels really good to be mostly independent, let me tell yah! It’s so empowering, being able to assemble coffee tables, grills or other around the house projects by myself! I never knew I could really do these things. I previously doubted everything I wanted to do, leaving me stranded and suffocated in doubt. Not anymore.
I started my second BSN class and it’s quite the challenge getting back into the swing of things. I really love this class though, and it’s focus on nursing history-Not only am I learning so much, but I’m really enjoying the writing process through the program. As much as I despise citations, I still enjoy the ability to practice my writing and tweak my writers voice. I’ve received multiple compliments on my writings (discussion boards and essay) from my instructor and other students, which is incredible. This is probably one of my favorite compliments because it compliments my intelligence and there’s nothing better than that!
With all else, I wanted to recognize that with growth still comes trial and error. In order to succeed in life, one must fail-often. We establish goals, practice and work toward them (failure) until we reach, conquer and create more. Never stop pushing yourself to grow. Do something today that will make tomorrow’s you proud.
For tomorrow is never promised, say “I love you” to all of those today.