You must intentionally practice happiness to become it.
Each waking day is full of opportunities to enhance yourself. To fill the air with gentle and caring words, you are fueling the spark in your heart. Ignite your light, water your soul.
I’d have to say, although I have processed and worked through a tremendous amount of past trauma in the beginning of this year-to work on yourself is a job never finished. It takes dedication and precision to maintain adequate equilibrium in your soul. It takes recognition of triggers and patience to grow.
I promise it’s worth it. I will also promise it may be scary, uncomfortable, and may even provoke more anxiety…but you’re WORTH it. It can be discouraging-the days you fall behind the line of progression, but getting through those days can teach you how to utilize coping skills to maintain your new found self. I was terrified of who I’d become once my mind was clear of its previous script. However, I cleared room for the positivity I now hold, radiate and share with those around me.
I absolutely know my progress is because of my endless efforts and knowing I have a greater purpose in this life. I am evolving into that, more every day. I also know I have the people closest to me to thank. For endless support, for accepting me for who I was, even when I wasn’t the greatest. Those are the people I am so proud to have, for I will forever straighten their crowns-because they held and supported me while I fixed mine.
Two people particularly stick out in my mind, being the greatest two influences in the last year. Of course my mom, for her transition out of the physical world left me fighting my ass off to stay above the suffocating depression and anxiety I sufficed too. What I learned to appreciate was the way she could guide me through life, in a new found way. She taught me how to trust, how to evolve and how to actually have a clear mind. She taught me not everything has to be figured out at once, labeled or on a time limit. She taught me to live, moments at a time. She taught me what it’s like to live in peace.
Then there’s him. Who became my best friend over just a couple months, who (without knowing it), made me realize it’s okay to be my quirky self. Neither of us had any idea (I don’t think) that we’d click so well, or have such great times together, but we’re both cool with it! ☺️ He also helped my confidence, by actually encouraging me to participate and practice hobbies I previously neglected. I know he wasn’t doing anything intentional to impress me, but him being his genuine self guided me into comfort because he accepted all the goofiness I projected, and then soon enough I became that, all the time! I could finally breathe, and be my true self with him. I wasn’t embarrassed to sing songs, do my little dance or express anything to him. It was him that made me realize what safe space felt like, what maturity in a man was, what effort and passion felt like. It was with him at my side, cheering me on, that helped me gain security within myself. I never could have dreamed of someone so spectacular, to be the same one who cared about me that much. It’s an intense feeling, one I wouldn’t want to rush. Moments we create together I want nothing more to hold on too, than rush forward.
That’s the thing though, life doesn’t give you what you want during the time you think you want it. Life gives you what you put into it. Then one day, the energy in your life switches-and everything begins to fall into the place you once only dreamed of. Also remember that your life only has to make sense to you, so be secure in your decisions and private life, it’s your business.
In the earlier days I doubted my new reality. I was in disbelief that it was really my time, to be truly happy. It’s safe to say, this is who I am now. I am ever so proud to be able to manage and cope through things that previously triggered me into endless panic attacks and overwhelming feelings of doom. I am thankful, to myself-every day, for never giving up on my journey.
In the end, we have to fight for ourselves to gain progress. Ensure the circle of individuals you surround yourself with are those that encourage, love and challenge you to be your greatest.
Being able to truly change the patterns of negative thinking and adapt to a new lifestyle is eye opening. I never knew I could actually become the version of me I always wanted. Now that I did, I have become intensely proud and confident. This woman looking back in the mirror is quite extraordinary.
Take a moment and reflect on what your aspirations were when you were younger. I usually go to the age when I decided I wanted to be a nurse…because not only was I an adolescent, I was also confused, unheard and naive. I never thought I held the brain capacity to become half of what I am today. Think of that moment for you, what your dreams were. The friends that you wanted, the job/career, support and partner you dreamed to become and with the person you dream to share a life with. Are you happy with where you are, who you’ve become?
Make it your goal to wake up and intentionally bring positive thoughts into your mind. Enjoy the sounds of nature or your favorite songs and embrace yourself with the same tender love you give so freely to others. It’s time to water your own soil.
I’ll be here, to watch you grow.
All for now mi amore,